Monologue to a mirror

12 Jun

As her eyes reached their reflection on the mirror, she saw him:

‘I’m sorry. You wouldn’t believe how sorry I am. That’s why I’m here for. To apologise. I’ve been an asshole. A bitch. Plain unfair. There’s nothing else to add there. I’m not looking for any kind of reaction or answer, I swear. I don’t want any more drama. I want to set things straight. I love you. I will never say that out loud again when you’re near, because I don’t want you to feel bad, but, somehow, I have to spit it out. I love you. Don’t ask me why. I wish I could know, so I could find that in another person and work it out and stop being annoying here. I don’t want to hurt you or anybody that’s around me, but I don’t know how, I’m fucking arranging it to annoy everybody I love by being bitter and manipulative. I don’t want that. Right now, I hate myself. Because I haven’t been fair. At all. I want nothing but the best for you. Nothing else. Even if it doesn’t involve me. I don’t want to hurt you because you are beautiful. In any possible way. You are awesome. I haven’t fallen this hard for anyone in years. But, please, do run away, because I’m gonna screw you as I did with the ones that came before you. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I did that.

I’m sorry I’m bringing this back, but I need to get it off my chest. It is the last time this is going to happen. Promise. I hope you find somebody that really loves you and respects you, because it’s clear I’m not enough for you. You deserve way more than this. I’m nothing but a hopeless traumatized girl that thinks that’s perfect. If anybody scratches even a bit, can see I’m full of shit. I don’t deserve you. So fly free. I won’t bother you. I need space and someday we’ll come across each other and have a laugh or two at this. End of story.’

She saw him, as she usually did, and said all the things she didn’t have the courage to say to his real face.

She saw him until the tears cleared the image.

And she’s just fine enough to pretend now.

Baby, I’ve got a plan. Runaway as fast as you can. 


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